Where Did It All Go?


It begins as a simple friendship. You try to get to know the person, as they get to know you. You come around to meeting their other friends of the past and present, as well as begin to become a part of their near future. And then it strikes. You’ve fallen for this person, and there is no avoiding this emotion.


Unfortunately, it does not always work out reciprocally. Although you may like a person, and be willing to bend over backwards for little more than to please them, it is not always guaranteed that they may even feel the slightest bit for you in return, in that respect. It has proven a tricky business to unveil one’s true emotions about another, and just when you think you have it all figured out, she takes you through yet another quark in the relationship.


Things are progressing smoothly, and you become close in a relatively short time, but from one day to another, it embarks on a journey of favorable, as well as unfavorable, twists and turns, leaving you unprepared for her next set of actions towards you. It no wonder ignorance and bliss are so commonly related, because I have come around to realizing that without ignoring obstacles in your set path to happiness, bliss can never be achieved. I cannot be preoccupied with the workings of the outside world if they will lead to nothing but the destruction of my own world on the inside. At this point, all I ask of her is, “can we have our old friendship back?”, but I am not sure how to recognize the answer if it were to come to me.


She is a complicated girl, and I love her for it, but sometimes I wish she would just come out and tell me how she feels. Sincere and trusting, although she rarely shows it by traditional methods, she is my one and only interest in the opposite sex, in any and all aspects. If at all, she wishes for me not to pursue and attempt to build upon my feelings for her at this time, then so be it. But I would request at least a straight answer from her in regards to the unsettling rumble in the pits of our stomachs I believe we both feel when we see each other.


That uncomfortable feeling when we are in each others presence that has struck straight into the heart of our relationship a metal spike. Although a wound which I consider will heal with time, I can not manage to save the little we have left on my own. In essence, I feel we are at that crossroads, whether we wish to be or not. We have reached that point where we are unsure of where we stand exactly. It has become an awkward task to even greet each other normally, in any environment.


I have already come around to understanding her aversion to getting involved in such a relationship with anyone, but I honestly cannot say that is the only conflict of interest which lashes out at us now. What I do fear for the long haul is that I cannot provide that which she is looking for from a guy she wishes to be with. My personality is not what you would call a likable one, and she recognizes this just as I do, and chooses not to be a part of it.


I fear that this is her way of telling me she really does not wish to spend time with me. I know her to be a girl who avoids, at almost all costs, hurting the feelings of others, and my best guess to why she acts this way around me is she is trying to tip me off to her aversion not to a boyfriend, but simply to me as a person. And this theory of mine, no matter how hurtful I feel at the mere utterance of it, and no matter how much my eyes tear up at the thought of it, is the only rational conclusion I can come to.


I am the type of person who, although I do enjoy the constant experience and understanding of abstract values