The Ultimate Pet: A Pet Rock

Ryan Lewis

A pet rock can be as comforting to me as any canine or feline. Some
would believe that a man\'s best friend is a dog. However, living in a confined
two bedroom apartment, I do not have the luxury or permission for a forty pound
dog to be plopping around. This is why I have found comfort in my pet rock. A
pet rock can replace many of the duties, such as a companionship, I can get
from a pet dog or cat.
When I go shopping for a pet, I look for the appropriate size and color
to meet my needs. Some people like big animals, some small. Some animals come
in black, brown, white, yellow; yet some are spotted. The same goes for my rock.
When I went "shopping" for my rock, I didn\'t want one too small, for it would
get lost like a gerbil. I didn\'t want one too big like a Labrador, for I would
trip over it every time I walked into the room. I needed a pet the size of a
fat barn cat, like the ones back home in northeast Iowa.
On my walk to the river before I left for college, I found many rocks
within my size range. I couldn\'t decide which one I should pick, but then on
the side of the muddy bank, partly submerged in the water, lay a shinny, sandy,
orange stone. It called out for me to pick it to take home instead of the
others, like a puppy does from a pet store window. When I held the rock in my
hands, I knew it was the one I wanted, and the rock that I needed.
Now as for a name. That was easy. How does one name his cat or dog,
bird or fish? Every pet has a name, so they\'re not so hard to come with. I
picked "Sparky".
Some people may be thinking, "A rock....what kind of a companion can a
rock be?" Just like a cat or dog, it will sit with me and listen to all of my
problems and worries. The rock won\'t talk back or give unwanted advice. My
world feels like a better place after a conversation with my pet rock. Best of
all, he will love you no matter what words or force you put on him. All of
ones anxieties can be released.
A pet rock may have even more advantages than the common pet dog or cat.
There isn\'t a toilet training process; it won\'t eat my furniture or shed on my
couch. The rock won\'t beg at the dinner table, fart when I have company, or
give my boss a slimmy kiss on his brand new pants. What more can you ask for in
a pet?
As well, a pet rock can do tricks too. It can sit and stay; it can
roll over if you give it a gentle kick; it can play dead and freeze.
The best thing about having a pet rock is that there aren\'t any
veterinary bills, no food expenses, and the rock can\'t breed, so there will
never be any "little" rocks laying around. Yes, dogs and cats are good pets,
but can\'t a rock be a good pet too?

Category: Philosophy