Temper tantrums

Temper tantrums occur when a child is tired, hungry, uncomfortable, or not
feeling well, too warm, or wearing scratchy or tight clothing. It\'s best to
try to find out what caused it so you can try to avoid the circumstances
that might trigger another outburst.

Temper tantrums are found to be most common among 3-5 year old children.
Boys more often than girls display temper tantrums. A number of behavioral
problems are associated with temper tantrums, including thumb sucking, sleep
disturbances, bed-wetting and hyperactivity.

Most children displaying temper tantrums come from families in which both
the mother and father are present. Researchers suggest that one possible
reason for this might be the parents\' expectations and discipline methods
conflict. Young children often become confused when parents use different
discipline methods, their confusion can lead to frustration and temper
tantrums.

Children act by parental example. If adults tend to have outbursts,
children are most likely going to follow their example in handling their
frustrations. Parents need to learn that they have to control themselves.
They can\'t expect their children to control their tempers if they can\'t
control their own.

Physiological needs also are a big part. If a child is hungry or fatigued,
they are more likely to have a temper tantrum. Make sure that they child is
getting enough sleep and having their meals on time. A small snack after
school should also be provided. Be sure that children have plenty of
opportunity to play freely outdoors.

Try not to be excessively restrictive in managing your child by setting too
many unnecessary rules which tend to provoke temper outbursts. Anger and
resistance are natural reactions to stop. So limit controls over your
children to necessary ones.

Children prone to temper outburst require close supervision to prevent
tantrums, or "head them off at the pass", early in the episode. If a child
starts rumbling and grumbling and seems to be head for an eruption of
temper, suggest to the child that something seems to be bothering them and
that you would like to be helpful. If the child has difficulty expressing
themselves, you might try to put into words what you suspect the child is
thinking and feeling. If you have no idea what is bothering your child, ask
some questions such as, "Did anything happen in school today? " or "Are you
angry about having to clean up your room?" Even if the child denies that
you are correct about what is bothering them, but calms down right away,
it\'s a good bet that the diagnosis was on target even though the child is
too upset to admit it. Parental understanding and concern can go a long way
toward reducing unpleasant feelings even if the parent cannot satisfy the
child\'s immediate desire.

A child who is becoming upset is sometimes easily stopped, just by an adult
moving physically closer to the child, expressing interest in the child\'s
activity, or offering a hug or snuggle. If the child is becoming
frustrated, suggest a few ways of solving the problems. But, leave the
final choice to the child.

Teach your child how to relax by tensing and relaxing different muscle
groups. Emphasize mental as well as physical relaxation by having the child
picture a particularly relaxing scene, or deep breathing exercises. By
becoming more aware of mental and physical tension, the child prevents the
tantrums before it happens.

Tantrums are not completely preventable, but the extent that they are taken
to, can be. It all depends on how it is handled, and how the child responds
to the handling of the situation.

Putting a lid on tantrums : Age-by-age

Ages 12 to 18 months
Biggest triggers: Any activity requiring the child to be still, the
inability to master a toy or activity, having to give up a toy their playing
with.
How to avoid: Don\'t keep child immobile for too long. Alternate activities
with ones that allow him to moved around. Provide age appropriate toys.
Distract them with another toy if you need to remove one.

Ages 18 months to 2 years
Biggest triggers: immobility, unpredictability, not getting their way.
How to avoid: Routines help a lot. Also, encourage free play and allow your
child plenty of time to move around and at will. If a power struggle does
erupt, distract your child with some kind