How to Rid Yourself of a Brown-noser

When I was in the ninth grade, a girl on the basketball team felt the urge to flatter our coach. The coach didn’t see her devious flatterer, so the schmoozing continued. I was too shy and embarrassed to confront the coach or the brown-noser. I didn’t want to harm my position on the team or the relationship I had with the player or the coach. To tell you the truth, the bond of friendship was not worth the suffering for a true friend would not intentionally hurt another.

One day the girl was starting in my position. She had brown-nosed her way into the coach’s starting line-up with schmoozing lines such as, “Are you going on a hot date tonight coach?” when the coach was in a hurry and had to cut the practice short or, “Look coach we match,” when the whole team decided upon the outfit to wear the night before. The girl always remained, “never more than a nose length behind” the coach (1). The flatterer used her schmoozing skills to take my starting position. I was outraged!

Many months and days later, I am still infuriated. I often dream of how to defraud the swindler through a devious, well thought-out plan that would catch the thief red- handed in her plot to brown-nose the coach. Surpassing my rage, however, is the self-realization of not confronting the schmoozer and taking what was rightfully mine.

I’d like to say that the experience taught me a lesson or two. I’d like to believe that no matter what the consequence may be, I would stand up for what I believe is just, whether I may lose my position on the team or not. But the truth is, I still let many brown-nosers carry out their daily agenda of flattery. My old fashion morals direct me to do this in the sense that eventually the worthy and hard working (non-flatterers) will prevail over the shallow individuals who deceive their mentors through flattery. I have heard it said, “It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!” (76). Almost everyone I know goes through similar circumstances in which a brown-noser can be spotted “by the uncontrollable puckering of their lips” and “by that strange sucking sound that comes out of their mouths” when an authority figure enters the room or that they are always the first to laugh at executive’s jokes, even if they aren’t funny (1). The hardest situations seem to be those in which we may jeopardize our futures by confronting what we feel unjust. But at the same time, we all resent the superior treatment towards the “butt-muncher”, and the lack of recognition for the worthy and deserved.

There are many ways to deal with a brown-noser. In some cases, you simply have to decide if your friendship with the schmoozer, or lack there of, is worth the agony and frustration. If the “butt-muncher” is a true friend, a simple heart to heart conversation should end the coordination of their clothes with the administrator or “unsew” the knee pads that were once stitched into their slacks. Analyze the consequences of your decisions and act accordingly for the decisions you make now affect you the rest of your life.

1. Gotcha Dig deep into the creative and imaginative depths of the mind for a mysterious and devious plan that will catch the schmoozer schmoozing to the schmoozie. In my case I would pinpoint the brown-noser trying to wiggle her way into the coach’s office to, “admire the coaching of the latest game.” When the rest of the players are being a team and sharing “the latest fads or music” amongst one another (as a team should), I would excuse myself from the team to catch the devious player red-handed. When I walk through the door, I throw a quick smile to the coach and glance to the sucker and say, “Why there you are. The team was wandering where you run off to all the time. But we knew the first and best place to look for you. . . where ever coach is. Your never more than a nose length behind