Dorko (the story)


One day, Dorko walks into a popular fast food joint for no other reason than that is where
his feet took him. Taking haphazard bites from other customer\'s food, he crookedly makes
his way to the line at a cash register. Of course, the act of getting in line was a complete
accident. He stares at the menu; he stares at the employees; he stares at a man picking his
pockets.

"Need help?" start Dorko, "Here, it makes things a lot easier if I just hand you my
wallet. Preferably with you holding a gun to my back so as to scare the dickens out of me.
But of course, you would be easily caught in a crowded place like this. Would you like to
go outside? We can sit around in an alley until it gets dark out. We could stage the
perfect act of random violence. Where are you going? Stop running!"

Dorko stood in line for about a half hour. Not because of the lunchtime rush, but he
just didn\'t know to move forward. Finally, after a nice shove from an angry customer,
Dorko had his chance at the register.

"Hello, how are you doing today?" asks Dorko.

"You know, it\'s a funny thing. I was feeling just fine, but now I want to lose my
lunch," replies a bald, fat, sorry, weight impaired lady behind the counter. "Well, what will
it be?"

"What will what be?"

"Hello? Are there any connected synapses here? Tradition says that now is the time
you tell me what you would like to order. Then I respond by telling you how much money
shall exchange hands and you wait for a thumb twiddling long time for us to get your
food."

Pointing his finger, Dorko says, "Well then I will acquire one of those, that, this, and
some of these."

Having lost her patience many a minute ago, the lady says, "Look dork, ..."

"That\'s Dorko."

Confusion sets in. "Look Dorko Oh, as much as I like to listen to you say completely
stupid dialogue, I have a job to do. Now, assuming you can read, look at the menu behind
my fat head and tell me what you would like to order. Then if you would like anything
taken off the burger, you simply say, for example, \'Minus the onions, please.\' Make it fast
because there is now a line of about fifty six people behind you."

"Thank you very much."

Dorko now gets out of line, which circled the building, and found a new spot at the
end. An observer would be completely dumbfounded by this act of aimless stupidity,
unless this observer knew Dorko, in which this act would not in the least way surprise the
person.

Well, time passes and Dorko eventually makes his way to the front of the line.

"Holy Heaven have mercy," thinks the register lady aloud, "he\'s back with a
vengeance."

"Hello amusingly sarcastic lady," says Dorko, "How goes things?"

"Hello amusingly moronic idiot. Order or get the heck out of my place of
employment."

"Since my stomach\'s arrow is starting to point to \'E\', perhaps I will commence the
ordering process. Let me take a minute to think this over."

Time passes without so much as a breath. Dorko seems to be having a staring contest
with the back of his hand. Suddenly Dorko continues the conversation.

"...58 ...59 ...60. Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, my order."

Let us briefly take a couple seconds out of the main story to notice that Dorko is not
wearing a watch nor does he know how to tell time. We will now proceed with the story.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

"...my order. Secondly, I would like a cheeseburger, minus the cheese and sardines.
Finally, you can give me a couple of blits. First, you can give me a large. Well to drink I
would like some syrup, with ketchup please."

Shaking her head in her hands, almost in tears, the lady says, "Let me get this straight.
You want a cheeseburger minus the cheese and sardines, technically a hamburger..."

"No I don\'t like ham, take that off too. And give me eight of them."

"...Okay, eight burgers (personally poisoned). Next was the couple of blits?" The lady
thinks for a few seconds. "Oh, you mean BLT\'s. I think I\'m starting to