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Creative Story: Dorko
One day, Dorko walks into a popular fast food joint for no other reason
than that is where his feet took him. Taking haphazard bites from other
customer\'s food, he crookedly makes his way to the line at a cash register. Of
course, the act of getting in line was a complete accident. He stares at the
menu; he stares at the employees; he stares at a man picking his pockets.
"Need help?" start Dorko, "Here, it makes things a lot easier if I just
hand you my wallet. Preferably with you holding a gun to my back so as to scare
the dickens out of me. But of course, you would be easily caught in a crowded
place like this. Would you like to go outside? We can sit around in an alley
until it gets dark out. We could stage the perfect act of random violence.
Where are you going? Stop running!"
Dorko stood in line for about a half hour. Not because of the lunchtime
rush, but he just didn\'t know to move forward. Finally, after a nice shove from
an angry customer, Dorko had his chance at the register.
"Hello, how are you doing today?" asks Dorko.
"You know, it\'s a funny thing. I was feeling just fine, but now I want to
lose my lunch," replies a bald, fat, sorry, weight impaired lady behind the
counter. "Well, what will it be?"
"What will what be?"
"Hello? Are there any connected synapses here? Tradition says that now is
the time you tell me what you would like to order. Then I respond by telling
you how much money shall exchange hands and you wait for a thumb twiddling long
time for us to get your food."
Pointing his finger, Dorko says, "Well then I will acquire one of those,
that, this, and some of these."
Having lost her patience many a minute ago, the lady says, "Look dork, ..."
Confusion sets in. "Look Dorko Oh, as much as I like to listen to you say
completely stupid dialogue, I have a job to do. Now, assuming you can read,
look at the menu behind my fat head and tell me what you would like to order.
Then if you would like anything taken off the burger, you simply say, for
example, \'Minus the onions, please.\' Make it fast because there is now a line
of about fifty six people behind you."
"Thank you very much."
Dorko now gets out of line, which circled the building, and found a new
spot at the end. An observer would be completely dumbfounded by this act of
aimless stupidity, unless this observer knew Dorko, in which this act would not
in the least way surprise the person.
Well, time passes and Dorko eventually makes his way to the front of the
"Holy Heaven have mercy," thinks the register lady aloud, "he\'s back with a
"Hello amusingly sarcastic lady," says Dorko, "How goes things?"
"Hello amusingly moronic idiot. Order or get the heck out of my place of
"Since my stomach\'s arrow is starting to point to \'E\', perhaps I will
commence the ordering process. Let me take a minute to think this over."
Time passes without so much as a breath. Dorko seems to be having a
staring contest with the back of his hand. Suddenly Dorko continues the
"...58 ...59 ...60. Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, my order."
Let us briefly take a couple seconds out of the main story to notice that
Dorko is not wearing a watch nor does he know how to tell time. We will now
proceed with the story. Sorry for the inconvenience.
"...my order. Secondly, I would like a cheeseburger, minus the cheese and
sardines. Finally, you can give me a couple of blits. First, you can give me a
large. Well to drink I would like some syrup, with ketchup please."
Shaking her head in her hands, almost in tears, the lady says, "Let me get
this straight. You want a cheeseburger minus the cheese and sardines,
technically a hamburger..."
"No I don\'t like ham, take that off too. And give me eight of them."
"...Okay, eight burgers (personally poisoned). Next was the couple of
blits?" The lady thinks for a few seconds. "Oh, you mean BLT\'s. I think I\'m
starting to figure you out. What\'s two plus two?"
"I knew you\'d
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