Cannibalism, The United Nations, and YouA Political Satire
Journal Entry #1


02/04/04


I have recently returned from a United Nations conference and wish to inform you of a pressing matter. Well many of you are familiar with the horrific situation in many 3rd world countries where they are faced with starvation, overpopulation, and AIDS. This of course became a major topic at the UN. There are great problems facing this situation, for if one was to cure either the AIDS pandemic or the starvation crisis the populations of these countries would skyrocket to even greater proportions, burning through the world’s resources by the year 2015. Yet if one were to conceive of a method to solve the overpopulation, starvation and AIDS would quickly wipe out the populations entirely.


Thus in order to form an effective plan to cure this crisis we must form a plan that will solve at least two of these factors at the same time. You are now probably thinking to yourself, “this intelligent and hugely attractive person makes an excellent point, but what does this have to do with cannibalism?”


Ah, my honorable compatriot, it is the sought after solution. Cannibalism will create a vast food supply, remove the weak from the swelling populations, and, if only those with the AIDS virus are consumed, we would quickly cure the disease. The proposal to start a regime of cannibalism, teaching the peoples to select only those with the virus, was quickly agreed upon, but just before it was passed we were faced with the question of whether the AIDS Virus could be spread via consumption.


There are many factors to this:


· Are certain body parts more likely to give one the virus than others?


· Will the Virus be dissipated upon cooking to a certain temperature?


· At what age will you get the greatest amount of meat per food consumption?


These are the factors that faced the UN. We solved this problem by devoting $100 million to research and development, but I would like your opinion.


P.S. (I was really bored when I wrote this… and I hope it made you laugh. ;)