A Difficult Decision

Steve Bayne
English IV
Mr. Larson
Persuasive Essay
A Difficult Decision

Throughout each of our lives, we go through many trials. Life seems like a big smack in the face at times. Anyone can relate to this, because no one has had a perfect life, a life without blemish. Hardships are a part of life, without them we wouldn’t learn the difference between hot and cold or right and wrong. The decisions we make now will affect us for the rest of our lives. I’ve had my share of hardships in the first 17 years of my life. I’ve faced some difficult times, nothing compared to the future I’m sure. At the moment I am torn in a decision that could affect my whole life. This decision could make me a wealthy, prosperous man one way and another it could increase my health and standard of living. It could also make me very unhealthy and even place me on the very lowest of the social scale. You wonder “What in the world could be so dramatic that it could affect someone’s life so drastically?” It’s simply a choice between “Scott Bathroom Tissue” or “Soft ‘N Gentle Bathroom Tissue”. Remember that the decision you make could bless your life, or damage it. You may think that this topic is unusual and rather out of bounds, but if you think about it, it really is a big controversy. You shouldn’t think about how you feel about this, you should take into account your bottom’s feelings, because basically that’s the usual area it’s used. We should take this decision into depth, shall we?
Scott Bathroom Tissue is in the lower class of toilet paper. If bathroom tissue had a social scale similar to ours, then Scott tissue would be the hobo bums that live on the street—still worth something but after a short life they are ripped to shreds and are very dirty, to say the least. Kimberly Clark Tissue Company advertises their tissue, Scott Tissue, on the wrapper, that it costs less per sheet. I would probably agree, if you do a little bit of arithmetic you would find that Scott tissue is cheaper per sheet. Seriously! It’s practically common sense anyway; they don’t use many ingredients to hold it together. Right when you need tissue to be there for you, Scott tissue is there to tear and ruin your wonderful day. They may advertise on the wrapper, “Soft, Strong—LASTS LONG” I beg to differ with all of those. Soft? However they got that idea I would really like to know, I bet I could ask anyone in the world, and no one would agree with that statement. Strong? I pity the person who tries to test that one. Lasts long? Do they mean that it lasts long in your cupboard or on the roll? Do they possibly mean it will sit in your septic tank for a hundred years, or until the extra large plumber, who has a hard time keeping his pants to a reasonable level and has an indescribable odor, can take care of it for you? Kimberly Clark publicizes that its safe for the septic tanks, so they must mean that it will last long from neglect, because no one wants to use something that feels like cardboard on their nose or other areas that use bathroom tissue on a daily basis. Basically, Scott tissue is cheap, cheap in price and cheap in quality. A lifelong use of Scott tissue is an unhappy wealth. Yes, that is correct, you will have more money, because that cardboard is cheaper per square than any other brand, but you will sacrifice your happiness for wealth. Now that’s a life to be proud of.
Speaking of the other brands, “Soft N’ Gentle” to be specific. Just by looking at the name, “Soft ‘N Gentle” you can probably assume this tissue was developed by a bunch of hillbillies from the south that had a serious problem with sand paper and rocks that Scott tissue was so eagerly engineered from. I’ve always wondered why hillbillies walk and talk funny. I draw my conclusion that the brilliant scientists of this breakthrough in toilet paper known as “Soft N’ Gentle” are hillbillies from the fact that people