This essay Tribute To Matt Stone
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Tribute To Matt Stone
Episode 201 - Not Without My Anus
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South Park Announcer: Since the last South Park you\'ve waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartman\'s lineage will not be seen tonight so we can bring you the following special presentation.
HBC Announcer: Now, get ready for Canada\'s hottest action stars. Terrance and Phillip in the HBC Movie of the Week, Not Without My Anus, based on a true story.
[Canadian Courthouse - 10:18 A.M.]
Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, before you today sits a murderer. On the night in question, this monster entered the home of Dr. Jeffrey O\'Dwyer, and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. That monster is sitting right over there, and his name is Terrance.
Phillip: Uh, Terrance, you farted in court.
Terrance: Yes Phillip, I\'m making a case for our defense.
Scott: All of these things link Terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt
Terrance looks about confused.
Scott: A watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O\'Dwyer." "Dr. O\'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in, with my new hammer." Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you\'re not God. Je accuse Terrance.
Terrance: Would you like a monkey claw Phillip?
Phillip: Yes please.
Terrance: That\'s called the monkey claw cause it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.
Phillip: The monkey claw is smelly.
The Judge hammers her gavel.
Judge: Come on, get a move-on, I ain\'t getting a younger up here.
Phillip: My sentiments exactly Your Honor. I see from your accent that you\'re Southern Canadian.
Judge: That is correct.
Phillip: Good people of the jury, my client Terrance is an innocent man.
Terrance: Oh ho, Phillip, now you farted during the closing argument.
Phillip: I have, haven\'t I Terrance.
Scott: Your Honor, the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court. They think farts are funny, but they\'re not.
Phillip: Good people of the jury, my client Terrance is no more a murderer than you or me. He loves puppies and hates mean things. Would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this?
Phillip shows the jury of Terrance with a llama.
Phillip: Of course not. So, in summation, find Terrance innocent, or else he\'ll kill you.
Phillip: Just kidding. The defense rests.
Terrance pounds his fist on the table as he laughs uncontrollably.
Scott: God damnit, that isn\'t funny.
The judge hammers her gavel.
Judge: Madam Foreperson, have you reached a verdict so we can get the hell out of here?
Foreperson: We have Your Honor; we have found Terrance, in the above-entitled action of murder against Dr. Jeffrey O\'Dwyer...
Judge: You\'re going to have to repeat that verdict since we had some flatulence issues.
Foreperson: I said, we find...
Foreperson: We find Terrance...
Foreperson: NOT GUILTY!!!
Phillip: Did you hear that Terrance? You\'re not guilty!
Terrance: Oh Phillip, you saved me from the gas chamber!
Terrance: Oh no.
[Outside the Courthouse]
Terrance: That sure was fun. Let\'s go home and eat Kroff Dinner.
Phillip: Hear, hear.
Scott: Well, looks like you got away with it Terrance and Phillip.
Phillip: Oh, hello Scott. No hard feelings, right old pal?
Scott: There are hard feelings, this isn\'t over. I\'m going to see to it that you both pay for what you\'ve done. And do you know why?
Phillip: \'Cause you\'re a dick?
Scott: No, because I hate you. You think farting is soo funny, well it isn\'t! Fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy, and if I...
Scott: Oh, I hate you both. I\'ve hated you ever since I can remember. I hate you and I wish you both had cancer.
Scott: Yes, in the head.
Terrance: Head cancer?
Scott: This is not the end Terrance and Phillip. You\'ll rue this day.
Terrance: Wow, Scott really hates us Phillip.
Phillip: Yes, perhaps he\'s homophobic.
Terrance: But we\'re not gay, Phillip.
Phillip: We\'re not?
Terrance: Well, let us board the subway and return home. There we can eat Kroff Dinner.
Phillip: Yes, it\'s been a long day, and only Kroff Dinner can calm my nerves.
[Onboard the Subway]
Terrance: Say Phillip, why does Scott always try to convict me of murder. He does it every week.
Phillip: He sure does seem to hate us. I wonder what he\'ll try next.
Terrance: God only knows.
Phillip: The subway certainly is wonderful Terrance.
Terrance: It sure is. Let\'s look for treasure.
Phillip: Yes, let\'s look for treasure.
Terrance and Phillip begin looking about the subway car for \'treasure.\'
[Scott\'s House - 11:57 A.M.]
Saddam: Hello, is this Scott from Canada?
Scott: Yes, yes it is.
Saddam: You\'re a journalist,
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Topics Related to Tribute To Matt Stone
April Fools' Day, Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus, South Park, Death, Flatulence humor, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, Celine Dion, Eric Cartman, Terrance
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